Change of heart

Sunday, September 13, 2009 @ 9:58 PM by Marj |

^{Now Playing: Sitting Down Here – Lene Martin
Mood: Full}

A few weeks ago, when I attended the Sunday Service on VCF, the main preaching for that day was about: “Genuine faith speaks life from a heart renewed by God.” I’ve posted an entry about Top 10 Tongue Abuse. The whole preaching was great and the message was so powerful. And there’s this one tongue abuse that leaves a big lesson for me. UNBELIEF. And it has something to do with my lovelife.

For some of you, alam niyo siguro yung stand ko about marriage and the likes. This is my line:

“Hindi ako mag-aasawa!”

And for those who are close to me, nung una nilang narinig yan na sinabi ko.. ang reaction nilang lahat.. “Hindi yan! Makakapag-asawa ka no!” And then I was really convicted with that statement. I was very sure about that. Habang tumatagal, may mga hindi na kumokontra dyan.. (But I know at the back of their minds, hindi pa rin sila naniniwala! Hahaha!)

Flashback! I acutally made that decision because… sa totoo lang hindi ko na maalala. So nag-back read ako sa mga post ko sa blogspot and I’ve landed to this entry. Yan yung entry ko when I decided to be single forever (at least for the time being) Naalala ko na ulit kung bakit ayaw ko mag-asawa.. I enjoy being single. Though may “sub-causes” siguro, yung mga dahilan na yun ang hindi ko na talaga maalala.

And then up to that day, before I heard the preaching, wala na talaga sa isip ko ang pag-asawa. Talagang desidido na ako maging single forever. Ni-rationalize ko pa kung bakit. Ito ang ilang sa mga dahilan ko:

• I’ve got “super” high expectations in love and I don’t think there would be no one that can live up to that expectations.
• I’ve got a lot of goals to be fulfilled and marriage is not my goal in life.
• By the time na naabot ko na lahat ng mga pangarap ko, I’ll probably in my late 30’s, so marriage is not applicable anymore (at least for me).
• I’m not really the mother-type.

These are the just the main points.. marami pang ibang dahilan. Lagi nilang sinasabi na: “Kung gusto maraming paraan; kung ayaw, maraming dahilan!” Talagang ayaw ko lang talaga mag-asawa kaya ang dami kong dahilan.

That’s what I have in mind, until I heard the preaching. That’s what I thought was good for me, until I heard about UNBELIEF. Unbelief are the negative words that we speak. “Hindi ako mag-aasawa” is a form of unbelief. Just the mere thought: “Being single single forever” is a form of disbelief..

So what?! “What about unbelief?!” you may ask. This negative words we speak are dishonoring God. Yan yung talagang nag-sink in sakin ng matindi. I know that I may be dishonoring God in some other ways (and I’m working on it) but running away from, at least, one thing that dishonors God is already a great accomplishment. One thing leads to another, as they say.

Marami sigurong mali sa mga dahilan ko tungkol sa love and marriage but just the fact that I dishonor God through that, it was enough to change my view on love and marriage. It was enough to stop me from thinking that I won’t get married. It was enough for me to think that God has a bigger plan for me than I have for myself. (sounds like A Walk To Remember, but its true!)

And from that day forward, my life plan started to change as well as my view on love and marriage. But change doesn’t happen overnight, I’m still on the process but one thing’s for sure, the lines “Hindi ako mag-aasawa!” won’t be heard from me anymore.

I’ve surrendered my lovelife and my heart to God and I believe that He will take care of it until the right time He would reveal his plan for me.

Labels: God's Word, Ultimate Kiligera