Please, take time to read this. This is such a very powerful letter. I had heard this before but when I read it a while ago, for unknown reasons, it made me cry. As in buckets of tears. I felt like I was feeling the pain of the baby. Poor baby, she never had the chance to see the wonderful world outside her mother's womb. I really felt sad. I realized how blessed I am that I am living in this world today. Even if I am feeling helpless right now, I am very thankful that I was born in this world.So please everyone, take time to read this.


Dear Mommy,


I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.

He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.

I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened.

I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.

I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.

I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.

I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.

I heard Daddy yelling back.

I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.

I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day.

I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing happened.

A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.

I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.

Maybe you never heard me.

The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,

"Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."

Complete terror is all I felt.

I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.

Then the monster started ripping my arms off.

It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.

It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.

I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.

Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.

I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away.

I had so many plans to make you happy.

Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.

Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.

No use now, for I was dying a painful death.

I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.

And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.

I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.

I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.

He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion.

I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."

I don't know what abortion is;

I guess that's the name of the monster.



I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.

I tried very hard to live.

I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.

It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live.

I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.

I didn't want to die.



Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.



Please be careful.



Love,
Your Baby Girl




I got this from Vhelly's multiply. And there are pictures of aborted babies there. I can't look at those picture, I felt sad for the babies. If you want to view the pictures, CLICK HERE!

Labels: Daily Musings

yan ang tinatanong ko sa sarili ko ngayon? yan ang naglalaro sa isipan ko. bakit nga ba? may problema ba talaga ako.. sa pagkakaalam ko wala naman, pero iba yung nakikita ng ibang tao. sa totoo lang sila ang nagtatanong sakin niyan. hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun ang tingin nila sakin. hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun ang nakikita nila sakin.

dahil ba sa mga ikinikilos ko? ano bang ginagawa ko at nasabing nilang may problema ako. at ano bang problema yung tinutukoy nila? natatakot na nga ako kasi baka iniisip nila may problema ako sa pag-uutak ko. yay! ano yun? baliw na ba ako?! wag naman ganun.

ang tangi ko lang problema ko ngayon e yung pag-aaral ko. nahihirapan na talaga ako. ang hirap na ng subjects. nahihirapan na ko sa mga lessons. nahihirapan na ko dahil sa pressure ng board exam at pati na rin yung ibang exams ng nurses ( kahit na next year pa yun). nahihirapan na kong maging student nurse.

laging nandyan yung mga negative thoughts ko, tungkol sakin, bilang isang nurse. pati na rin yung pag-question ko sa sarili ko. tapos nakikisali pa yung thought na "what if hindi ako nag-nursing at tinuloy ko na lang yung talagang interest ko?" at higit sa lahat "ang pag-aaral ko". i mean yung ways ng pag-aaral. parang "i always want to learn but studying is my problem" at kasunod niyan yung sinabi ni Mark Twain na "Don't let schooling interfere with your education." laging may pangontra. pero madalas hindi effective yung sinabi ni Mark Twain.

eto yun e, tinatamad ako mag-aral, mag-review. tinatamad ako gumawa ng assignment. tinatamad ako mag-review. tinatamad ako gumawa ng seatwork. tinatamad ako pumasok ng classroom. tinatamad ako umupo sa classroom habang nakikinig sa walang kwenta, walang passion, walang alam, at walang pakialam na professor.

hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umabot sa ganitong sitwasyon. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nawalan ng gana mag-aral, mag-basa at kung ano pang ginagawa ng mga estudyante. siguro nagsimula 'to nung nakakilala ako ng mga teachers at professor na walang passion sa pagtuturo at walang pakialam sa mga estudyante nila. yung tipong nandun lang sila para sa sweldo nila. (sorry sa mga teachers at professors, pero yun yung nakikita ko, binabalewala lang nung iba yung mga estudyante nila) hindi ko naman nilalahat, pero meron talaga.

sa bandang huli, naisip ko na ako din naman ang mawawalan kung hindi ko aayusin yung pag-aaral ko. ako naman yung hindi makakatapos sa pag-aaral. ako naman yung hindi makakakuha ng magandang trabaho sa susunod na mga taon. ako yung kawawa.

siguro nga, ito yung nakikita nung mga tao sa paligid ko kung bakit nila tinatanong kung may problema ko. pwes, ang sagot ko, "oo, may problema nga ako" eto ang problema ko. at alam ko na ako lang at wala ng iba, ang makakalutas nito.......
and that One from up above. (nakakalimutan ko nang humingi ng tulong sa Kanya)

Labels: College Blues, Emo-ness, Procrastination, Venting out

last November 8, my blog celebrated its 2nd Year Birthday.

hindi ko man lang namamalayan, two years na pala 'tong blog ko. hindi ko naalala nung nov.8 na yun nga pala yung birthday ng blog. nakalimutan ko. anyway, sobrang thankful ako sa blog na 'to, kasi ito yung nagiging output ko sa mga bagay-bagay. kasama ko 'to lagi. buti na lang nauso yung blog. at salamat rin dun sa mga taong bumibisita dito. the best kayo.

♥ kay Brue, na walang sawang tumatangkilik sa mga kaabnormalan ko sa buhay. hahaha. (speech ba ito?!) dahil kasi sa blogs namin, nagiging updated kami sa isa't-isa. love you Brue. miss you.

♥ pati na rin kay Irish, ang kasama ko sa ka-toxican ng Nursing life. Ye, ibang level na tayo. MS na. toxic to the max. (pati na rin kay brue).

♥ at siyempre, my ever dearest cousin, Angel. isa sa mga nag-impluwensya sakin sa pagba-blog (pero di niya yata alam yun). nagkaalaman kami ng mga sikreto dahil sa kanya-kanyang blogs namin. at thankful ako dun, mas nakilala ko lalo siya. mas humanga ako sa kanya. my dear cousin, go! go! go! lang tayo.. baka maging flight attendant din tayo someday.. magme-medicine ka na ba?! =) love you! mwah!


Mabuhay ka!
SMOOOCHIES.BLOGSPOT.COM.
|the real me| vol. n
many more volumes to come.
Happy 2nd Birthday!

Labels: Cyber chitchat, Events

eto ang PINAKAPABORITO kong scene sa Fantasy Couple (Couple in Trouble)
the best 'tong scene na 'to para sakin. kiligness to the max ang lola mo. woooosh! sa Episode 9 'to nangyari

>hinintay ni Jang Chul Soo si Na Sang Shil sa may bus stop, pero hindi alam ni Na Sang Shil na nasa labas ng bus stop si Jang Chul Soo,
eto yung lines nila (translated):

Jang Chul Soo finds Na Sang Shil in the bus stop. He goes near her and tries to call her.
(phone ringing)
Na Sang Shil: What?
Jang Chul Soo: What are you doing? Not coming home?
Na Sang Shil: Don't act like you are worried.
I'll crawl back to the house myself.
Jang Chul Soo: Are you some kind of rebellious teenager now?
Go home quickly.
Na Sang Shil: No. I'm in a bad mood.
I'll go back in an hour, so hang up.
(phones hang up. Jang Chul Soo looks to Na Sang Shil whose inside the bus stop.)
Jang Chul Soo: What shall I do with you?
I can't tell you that you are not Na Sang Shil.
Well, I guess the only thing I can do is just wait.
(Jang Chul Soo sits outside the bus stop, behind Na Sang Shil)

and that's where i got this snapshot.

hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sobrang tuwang-tuwa ako sa scene na 'to. hindi naman ako affected pero feel na feel ko lang yung scene. nakakakilig talaga.

Labels: Addiction, Fangirl-ing, Favoritos, Series Mania, Ultimate Kiligera

_{TV by ~Malleni}
"The harder you try to forget something..
the more you think about it unconsciously."
-Sigmund Freud

isang text message mula sa aking kaklase. isa sa mga pinakamagandang quote na na-receive sa panahong ito. siguro dahil ito yung pinakamagandang paglalarawan sa nararamdaman ko ngayun.

madalas kapag may nanghihingi sakin ng tulong tungkol sa isang problema, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila na kailangan lang nilang mag-move on. kailangan nilang harapin at kalimutan yung mga nangyari. lagi din nilang sinasabi na hindi yun ganun kadali. pero ang pananaw ko sa panahon na yun, sobrang dali lang gawin dahil madali ko yung nagagawa.

yun ang akala ko.
akala ko, madali akong nakaka-move on sa mga bagay-bagay. akala ko, madali kong nakakalimutan yung mga nararamdaman ko. akala ko lang pala.

hindi lang 'to tungkol sa mga sitwasyon na napagdaanan ko, kundi pati yung mga napapanood ko at yung mga kwento na naririnig ko mula sa ibang tao. hindi ko agad makalimutan yung mga babagy nayun kahit wala naman akong kinalaman dun. pero matindi talaga yung epekto sakin nung mga napapanood ko. sobra.

hindi ko alam kung kelan nagsimula yung ganitong pakiramdam pag nanonood ako. lalo na yung mga palabas na sobrang nagugustuhan ko. nagiging sobrang "attached" ako. at madalas hindi ako maka-let go sa pinapanood ko kahit tapos na ito. matagal mawala sa akin yung pakiramdam habang pinapanood ko yung mga palabas na yun. hindi matanggal yun sa isipan ko.

sobrang laki talaga ng epekto ng "MASS MEDIA" sa tao. lalo na sakin. minsan naiisip ko, wag na lang manood ng TV. nagagawa ko yun, ang problema nga lang, sa internet naman ako nanonood. at mas malala pa yung nangyayari. siguro kahit anong gawin ko, hindi pa rin ako mabubuhay ng walang impluwensya ng "MASS MEDIA". parte na ng sistema ko yun. ang kailangan ko na lang matutunan ay yung wag masyadong maging "attached" sa mga pinapanood ko. sana nga.

at siguro nga, tama yung sabi ni Freud. sa pagnanais kong kalimutan ang isang bagay, mas lalo itong pumapasok sa isipan ko ng hindi ko namamalayan. siguro nga, ganun talaga yun. sa dami ng mga masasakit na naramdaman ko sa mga nakaraang taon, hindi ko alam kung nakapag-move on na ko sa lahat ng yun. hindi ako sigurado kung totoo ko ng nakalimutan yun ng buong puso o tinalikuran ko para lang masabi na nakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na yun.

siguro sa paglipas ng panahon, malalaman ko ang sagot sa tanong kong 'yon. sa ngayon ang importante, andito ako ngayon. kahit na may parte sa akin na naiwan sa nakaraan, patuloy pa rin akong lumalaban para sa kinabukasn. at higit sa lahat, hindi ko binibitawan ang aking kasalukuyan.

"kahit anong paglimot ang gawin ng isip mo, may mga bagay pa rin hindi mawawala sa puso mo."

Labels: Daily Musings, Emo-ness, Insanity Strikes